Large and small animal care
1247 Lane 14, Worland Wyoming
Monday - Friday 8:00 - 5:30
Saturday - 8:00 - noon
Monday - Friday 8:00 - 5:30
Saturday - 8:00 - noon
Introduction: Variable-The reality of imperfection. The story behind the story
Substitute: You gotta earn your spurs.
Definition: Verb, adverb, adjective, noun.
A term of endearment and an emblem of pride for a rural American culture called Wyoming. He is the mystique of the rugged individualist and to this end he epitomizes what the world envies. A cowboy is a strange mix of eternal optimism and acrid testimony. He is a firm believer in Murphy's Law. He believes if it ain't broke don't fix it and necessity is the mother of invention, adversity builds character and pain is part of the master plan. A cowboy believes in delayed-gratification, knowing full well the best calf crop and the biggest check will come after he dies!
This ideal, this almost mythological character has been studied, emulated, and imitated for an American century, but in reality he and his world are extinct, physically impossible to duplicate in place and kind, yet what he embodied lives on in the hearts and minds of countless cultures here and abroad. Today, perhaps more than ever before, his mythology is thriving in a high-tech world filled with "children of the institution" separated from their individuality. They see in this mystical hero horseman a mentor, showing them the way back to their primordial urging, a yearning to experience a oneness with their world, to fly, to be free, not to seem but to be!
Today's cowboy remains a reasonable facsimile of his past icon, and like his predecessor, he is not without fault. Much to the chagrin of many cowboy emulators, there lies beneath this indomitable veneer a human being fraught with typical weakness.
The real cowboy epic revolves, today as yesterday, around a dream, a transcendent ideal. Somewhere beyond this desert called life, if one can endure all the ascetic challenges life presents, is the payoff, the mother load that a cowboy earns through crossing the desert.
Perhaps the least understood but most poignant moral of the cowboy trilogy is that every form of virtue has it's price and you gotta earn your spurs! So the real story is the pursuit of an ideal by less than perfect people who are willing to pay the price for individuality, for the title of cowboy. You see, everyone wants to be a cowboy….but, did you know?
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS WEAR COWBOY BOOTS
Lizard, ostrich and kangaroo cost more dollars than the average cowboy carries in his leather wallet and even if he could afford em he damn sure couldn't afford to wear them irrigating. Many cowboys, especially old cowboys with bunions, corns and twisted toes suffer extreme pain wearing sharp toed boots, while following women around shopping malls.
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS WEAR BIG BUCKLES
Most of the large silver buckles are won at rodeos and surprisingly most cowboys don't participate in organized rodeos and adhere to the age old Cowboy Creed: "There ain't a buckin horse in Wyoming that can stay under me for 8 seconds"!
NOT ALL COWBOYS RIDE A QUARTER HORSE
Truth be known, many cowboys don't ride a horse at all. Many new age cowboys have opted for fleet four wheelers with shift on the fly overdrive, perhaps occasionally Kawasaki trail bikes, and a little known fact is that cowboys have been seen afoot or even, God forbid, on a bicycle! I will admit this is mere speculation as these sighting have been rare and carry about as much credibility as the Abominable Snowman.
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS CAN ROLL A CIGARETTE WITH ONE HAND
This rare art is indeed rare today as most one handed cigarette rollers have suffered the same fate as two handed cigarette rollers and package smokers - they all died young and the new age cowboys are indeed naive to this forgotten art as many readily believe Prince Albert really does live in a can.
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS CAN SWALLOW TOBACCO JUICE
This has always been a myth as one can easily see most cowboys do spit -mostly out the window: This is evident by the slime slaps streaking down the side of most cowboy pickup trucks, besides, the few premadonnas that did swallow are now aging baby boomers inhaling large amount of Zantac for their tobacco induced peptic ulcers.
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS ARE SKINNY
Cowboys of yesteryear had to run down their prey, kill it and eat it raw. Contemporary cowboys, save a few who still forage road kill, are victims of fast food high fat lunches and now they run down a trail not to catch their dinner but to get rid of its effects. Dunlaps disease is a high frequency malady of Nu-age cowboys but not without some fringe benefits. Others cannot see whether the cowboy has or hasn't won a buckle, and the cowboy - well, he can't see his bathroom scales. I have initiated, through my own lament, a program call "Lariats and Leotards", a true cowboy workout complete with hats, boots, spurs, tight black leotards and cowboys in action, jumping through their twirling ropes to funky rap music - not many takers so far.
NOT ALL COWBOYS HAVE RESCUED A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
In fact, many a beautiful woman has been rescued from a cowboy and indeed many of the women rescued by cowboys soon realize that 40 miles on the back of a horse is really no rescue at all, especially if they need to potty. And finally many rescue attempts end sadly with the rescued beauty being thrown from a green-broke gelding unaccustomed to riding double, thus the origins of the contemporary phrase: "Dumping your girlfriend."
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS ARE BOW-LEGGED
Granted, some few have a stance that, has the appearance of a doughnut with one bite gone but most of these unfortunate creatures will, in time, succumb to some form of orthopedic reconstruction, and if not, are found roping from a wheelchair.
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS ARE BOYS
This smacks of gender blending but paradigms demand their shift, and many a cowgirl qualifies as a pretty damn good cowboy, this shift to the left is not worried by an equal shift to the right, as very few cowboys qualify as good cowgirls, besides, if the world was a logical place wouldn't cowboys ride side-saddle? And another thought along this line of twisted logic, have you ever wondered why there are sheepmen and cowboys? Is this an age old oxymoron, or a case of gender maturity? Indeed many a cowboy becomes a cowman and I suppose, though I've never heard it used as such, many a sheepman was probably one a sheepboy, but then I wonder, how does one in the sheep business undergo this masculine right of passage?
NOT ALL COWBOYS DRIVE NEW, RED DODGE DIESEL 4X4 PICKUP TRUCKS
This is not by choice, but due to industry trends which dictate that most drive preowned, 2 tone, (generally rust and yellow) wanna be 4x4's with dangerous projecting pieces of flopping chrome, balding knobby tires and an end gate that has a resemblance to a tire flattened Coors beer can and an ambiance in the bed consisting of 4 molding grass hay bales, a block of wood, a bald flat spare, a seriously rusted handy man jack all adorned with liberal braids of dangling orange baler twine.
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS HAVE 24 FOOT ALUMINUM GOOSE-NECK HORSE TRAILERS
Mostly because preowned Ford 4x4's with 300,000 miles can't pull themselves let alone a 24 foot aluminum trailer and besides the colors clash and pulling into the 4th of July ropin with such a combination attracts a lot of attention and rightly so, as such an ensemble looks like a really homely woman wearing a beautiful evening gown. So most cowboys prefer preowned, well used open top stocktrailers (two tone rust and yellow) to complete this color co-orinated combination that has -well- character.
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS HAVE BLUE HEELER DOGS
Many cowboys I know personally, have poodles and take them regularly to be groomed, perfumed and festooned. Most of these cowboys are single and prefer the company of poodles. A new trend developing is the cowboy ownership of cats, I suspect with the decline of Blue Healer dogs, there are simply more cats in existence and readily available for adoption. Most cowboys that do own Blue Healer dogs are happily married, as Blue Healer dogs are capable and willing to absorb abusive language vented on them from many a cowboy asserting his pseudo authority as head of the household, thus doing a dogs part to preserve domestic tranquility - enough said.
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS WEAR COWBOY HATS
Cowboy hats are great for sheddin rain and snow but as worthless a proverbial tits on a boar hog on a windy day, consequently Wyoming is not a fit environment for Stetsons which mimic a Frisbee or UFO on an average Wyoming day. Many cowboys prefer baseball hats, which unlike Stetsons, are cheap or "give to 'em" and a smatterin of blood, grease, and manure ain't no big deal and a cowboy can screw 'em down till his ears look like satellite dishes and no wind even from Hell's gonna suck it off his head. Also, cowboys can't afford to advertise black angus bulls and stud horses on high dollar Stetson hats.
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS HAVE ALL THEIR PARTS
This is the reason for terms of endearment or "Handles", as cowboys refer to one another as "Gimpy", "Thumbless", "Lucky", "Peewee", "Numbskull", "Two Toe", "Lumpjaw", "Toothless", and "Baldy", in fact John Wayne may have been the only "whole" cowboy I ever saw. As a general rule if a cowboy hasn't been impacted, compacted, ground, drowned, tormented, twisted, sawed, slammed, beat, broke, hashed, hacked, bent, brutanised or in general dismembered, he ain't a real cowboy.
NOT ALL COWBOYS ARE AMERICAN SEX SYMBOLS
In fact,the highest compliment you can pay many a seasoned, smiling cowboy is..........."Nice Tooth"! Most real cowboys don't have "wrangler-butts". I hate to get into the meat of that issue, but, truth be known, watching many a cowboy from behind is akin to watching two baby pigs fighting in a gunny sack!
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS ARE GOOD DANCERS
Some are Baptists, and Baptists don't dance for fear of being accused of making love standing up, and those that do dance have descended to the abysmal pit called line dancing, to the horror of a Baptist, nothing short of an orgy!
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS DRINK WHISKEY FORM A BOTTLE
Some no longer drink whiskey at all, preferring new age casuals like a mild burgundy, or sensuous chardonnet, perhaps a night cap of Zinfandell white after a hard day of trail thrashin. This domestic tendency has evolved since the cowboy became aware of the "Germ - Theory". The ritual of "passing the bottle" has ended as many cowboys are aware of the inherent danger of swallowing even "friendly" backwash, especially if the cowboy or cowgirl chews Copenhagen.
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS WEAR A SIX GUN
Even cowboys have become a kinder, gentler breed. Cowboys at first meeting still cast a wary eye on their fellow to see if the other guy is "packin" and sure enough, strapped to that horse hair belt is a Swiss Army knife on one side and utility pliers on the other, a contemporary cowboys best defense in a world gone mad!
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS ARE GOOD VETINARYS
Come to think of it, not all vetinarys are good cowboys. Watchin most vetinary rope is like watchin my 15 year old Charlois Bull breed cows - they don't have to be good at it to have fun, but then again askin a cowboy to give a cow a jugular shot is like watchin my 15 year old blind Charlois Bull breed a cow - you gotta know which end of the cow demands your attention.
NOT ALL COWBOYS YODEL, PLAY A GUITAR OR SING SAD SONGS
Somebody said some cowboys sing these songs backwards, when they do this amazing things happen, their dog comes back, their girfriends love'em again and they get their truck back from the bank. Not all this cowboy caterwaul is that despondent but when the average cowboy sets to 'em they get a lot worse than they were ever intended to be, after all, even a Blue Healers loyalty goes only so far!
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS LIVE IN TWO STORY VICTORIAN HOMES
Many cowboys own homes that have wheels under them, a sign that their happy home is just about as secure as their job. An advantage to such mobile living is simple economy, who would have ever thought that a spacious home on wheels could cost less than the pre-owned pickup truck that pulls it. And finally, it's a well known fact that these homes are very disposable, kinda like a tornado and a Wyoming divorce, i.e. one way or another somebody's gonna lose their trailer house!
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS HAVE INDOOR TOILETS
Many cowboys are naturalists be it one or two, if you're observant you can see or not see the evidence of this in the living quarters of most cowboys. search as you may, there are simply no catalogues to be found. Because of the grain of the paper, J.C. Penny and Cabella's are extremely popular. There are two ways to know the age of a cowboy by checking his outhouse, the year the catalogue was printed and the company name, Montgomery Ward and Sears are dead giveaways for old cowboys. There's not a sadder site in the world than to see two cowboys with severe dysentery fighting over a J.C. Penny catalogue. You know the battle for both cowboys is lost long before the fight is won.
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS DISLIKE FARMERS
If the truth be known, most real cowboys are real farmers too, complete with lace up shoes, shovels, rubber boots, ball caps, greasy hands, canvas dams and oil cans. Cowboys are known to drive real tractors with cabs and stereophonic radios and they can be seen down at the Coop. I think the Coop was the place cowboys and farmers came together and signed their peace accord, this out of necessity, you see, the cowboys had the horses but the farmers had the oats.
NOT ALL REAL COWBOYS PARTICIPATE IN PARADIGM SHIFTS AND POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
Most cowboys have a very simple rule, if it looks like it, if it smells like it, and if you dare, tastes like it, most probably that's it and likely it's a whole pile of it! I don't recall hearin, and I don't believe I've ever seen a true cowboy same sex marriage, further indications that cowboys have lagged far behind in shifting their paradigms (20 cents to most cowboys). Nothing in this world, however, should surprise us anymore, but the day two old, twisted, toothless, gnarled cowboys stand bowlegged before the alter, both dressed in flowing white gowns, preparing to vow till death do they part.....well, start reading Revelations, truly the end is near.
Speaking of the end, this is it. In summary, A cowboy is more than a persona, portrait or figurine. A cowboy is a living composite of ideals molded into a character, "Cowboy" is a term of endearment slung too loosely. A "true Cowboy" is a rare find, less than his God in heaven, more impure than love, perhaps, equivalent with the company of American heroes, A Cowboy is a character who believes that if you squat on your spurs, nobodies gonna doctor your butt. - but you. You see, everybody wants to be a Cowboy.......But......?!
Everybody wants to be a Cowboy.....But....
Dr. Tharp's Thoughts on Paper
More of Dr. Steve's Writtings